"Your life is an open book Af ", people would say.
People from my past understands how am I like once. People I met during my present knows how I am today. People in my blog knows both of my past and present thoughts (certainly not life).
People from my past have no idea how my present life is like. People from my present have no idea how my past is like. People from my blog don't know how my life is like at all.
People from my past will be surprised on how my life today has differ. People from my present will be shocked knowing how I am in my past. People from my blog are the only ones who can understand how I see everything behind my actions -and yes, this is only a quarter. My mind is a mess of unfinished thoughts.
Conclusion, I am different with people from my past. I am different with people from my present. And you readers have no idea how I live my life balancing the past and present.
People from my past who reads my blog will have no clue on my life in the present precisely. People from my present who reads my blog will never understand me at all.
My blog are just thoughts. Not a diary to tell everyone how I feel to a direct wording or what I did as a daily routine -unless I find it not a problem to be sharing it publicly.
Like people from my past who are with me in real life, I find it hard to be expressing on how I think. Not because I'm not good in communication, but because I want to avoid any possibilities on letting them change their perception of me. I want to be playful, lazy, safe and assured when I am with these people. They've seen me during my struggle years in search of identity or bad times be it family, best friends or the other significant.
Unlike people who have met me this year in specific, they see me differ, I know because I understand on how to perform to be an active student in university. They are the best candidates to be listening to my thoughts on the reality today and etc (giving speeches or lectures). They respect the way I am today, not because of the person I am once. They assume life is all easy for me when reality in the past, it's not.
It's been a struggle to be in the position I am today, but it's worth it. Just by having faith, hard work and confidence in yourself.
People from my present makes me strong and confident about myself without the need of support. You are your own shield. No one decides what's the best for you. It is all on you. People form my past make me feel safe and childish in such ways I even forgot how my present life is a drastic change.
Let's not talk about social medias.
Dear readers, I am socially awkward in social medias. Vice versa with real life.
Unlike real life, I can talk to a stranger like I've known them all my life. I can walk into a room filled with a crowd without feeling awkward. I can talk to people sarcastically and not worry of what they say. I can handle negativity by saving them straight on how I feel as long as I am firm it is right. I can make a mistake speaking during presentation and cover it up quickly by making a joke.
Vice versa with social media, as a result.
Reality is, my life isn't much of an open book. You get the pieces, but to reassemble them all is the tricky part.
Don't be too quick to tell everyone how well you know a person when you don't. :)
