Sometimes, you need a good movie to really make you realize
that you’re filled with love from everyone.
This makes me sad and obviously the reason I cried.
I watched ‘If I Stay’ just now. Mia’s a 17 year-old who’s
very much talented on playing the cello, ordinary girl who doesn’t exceed her
limits on life, has a happy family who has rock music in their veins plus Adam,
the guy of her interests.
Everything happens when they go for a holiday trip and had a
car crash to only know she’s the one left surviving –well, more to her own
choice if she wants to stay.
A few days on coma and several surgeries gave her –in a
somewhat ghost form to rewind back the memories and tragedies happening on
pursuing her dreams as well as getting life straight.
She has a choice to die or live. It depends on one factor of
humankind.
The love she
received.
You know, Love is the only reason, the only thing that keeps
you going. That keeps you breathing to this day. That gives you an ignition to
walk faster when life hits you hard on the face.
Sometimes when I think back upon all those bitterness I’ve
gone through, I thought, ‘hey Af, you’re such a strong girl cause you got over
all this and still be the better the person each and every day, because of
what? Because you would never give up on failures’.
I thought again, where did my determination of not giving up
came from? My genetics? My natural behaviour? My personality book resources?
Where? I never really thought on that specific scope but boy was I wrong.
It’s the thing I’ve been looking at lightly despite of my
reckless thinking on this perception that I was naturally a fighter. And you
know what?
I survived to be happy till today, because God gave me all
the love I need in this world. He gave me everything a confused 18 year old
young lady needs.
Love and affection.
Once during my hardest times, I’ve faced pure pain of mental
that causes physical pain. I thought, how am I ever gonna keep going? How or
what can I do to heal this pain?
What’s left to me is either stand up or give up. My choice.
But the problem is, I need that ignition. I need that
something that just stirs me up in a way nothing else can. But I don’t know
what it is. But whatever it is, I stood up again.
I dare to say I am immune to failures. Just do something
that’ll upset me up and then watch me be stronger the very next day. I never knew
what it was, to me it was supposed to be a natural speciality Allah gave to
keep me happy.
It is, but feelings on never to give up don’t just come out
of thin air. You see, everything has a cause. Everything has a reason. You just
have to sit quietly and think what it is.
When I watched the movie during the part Mia had memory
flashes of her life, I had mine instantly.
I have too much memories, but I can only think of the ones
on the very now present moment.
My parents are concerned of my future as much as I am with
mine. They’re spending both energy, money and time this year to provide me the
best places on pursuing my dreams. Every weekend we go visit some universities
to make preferences. The most love I received from both of them is when they
said they won’t control my life course and leaves me dependent on deciding what’s
best. They know, deep inside the only thing I want from them is support. That’s
all. And they did.
My grandparents are
the best advisors I’ll ever have. They talk so much on life from their wisdom I
can only conclude that their message was,
‘Life will hit you hard and make you all messed up, but bear
in mind, always follow your interests and find a career that’ll make you
happier instead of miserable. It’s not about studying, it’s about doing what
you love and note that find a career that you don’t need to work a day in your
life’.
I have Green Lantern, Thiya and Syikin as my best friends.
That makes a total of 12 best friends.
You don’t believe I have that much close friends?
Trust me, I am respected for who I am from everyone from
teachers to juniors but I do not deny the fact that these 12 people have seen
the worst situations I’ve gone through. I wasn’t embarrassed to cry due to
disappointments in front of them –yes, the boys too.
They don’t describe me to be strong. They see me as an
immature, sensitive, too overly mannered little sister who is trying to fit in
with bitterness. Their little sister who requires support. I call and text any
of them whenever I am pleased –from heartbreak let-go feelings to Kop to
confusion on either to go for medicine or psychology from Syark.
And still, for whoever I am, they love me without me being
an attention seeker. It’s like, they just popped in my life without me finding.
That’s why I have 12 best friends and none of them are fake friends.
Similar to love life, before taking to another stage I let
out all my flaws and tell him how I was scared to get myself into a
relationship to only be torn apart when my life is better even before he came.
I knew he sees me as a confident person so I had to let it all out. I had to
show him the bad side of mine.
I expected him to be somewhat disappointed to know that the
girl he was falling for is not all the time confident in life and then leave. But
he didn’t. He stayed. He was able to conclude all my fears in one sentence and
let me know, all the time, he’s not changing his mind.
I don’t attain much of a popularity because I don’t want to
be someone to just impress people about myself. I do, but not in a way of
physical or other aspects. That’s why I don’t have Instagram.
I want people to love me the way I am. To accept my flaws
and appreciate my capabilities without seeking attention.
That’s why I don’t have fake friends. That’s why enemies don’t
seem to bother me. That’s why I am well-known rather than popular. That’s why I
feel people respecting me every time I bump into them. That’s why I feel so
much love.
Never bother to bring up about the stuff, chocolates, sticky
notes, letters people give me. They’re just countless I’d have to paste it all
up on the walls of my room.
Love is so powerful. You need love to be someone incredible.
People who love you the way you are the best factors anyone could attain in
life without attention. I’ve never felt lonely. I am so full of love from
everyone.
Love keeps you going. That’s why I accept that if Allah
tends to set my fate on something that’ll include countless times of failures,
so be it. Because as long as I have love, I won’t understand the word of giving
up.
Now I understand why most of the reasons why I am so
stressed only has to do with examinations or school. Never much in human
relationships.
Life is fair. Even if I say I have all the love I need, that
doesn’t make my life perfect on anything else. But note that if life hits you,
find that source of love, you’re sure to stand up again. That’s the reason why
I am happy with my life. I will stumble on failures upon failures but He knows
I can bear with it. I have all the love I need. I can do it.
If you have parents who control much of your life, if you
have so few friends, if you have no one special or they aren’t interested in
you, if you think you have a sucking life, the fact is you aren’t.
Differ people differ tests in life. If you think my life is
too perfect, it isn’t. No one is, but we can always change ourselves to make a
better future. That’s what matters.
You see, I don’t need effort, the only thing I need to be is
myself. So if you want love, be yourself. Love yourself first, compulsory.
Love is strong. Love matters more than money. Money can’t
give you this kind of happiness. Believe me, I get everything I want, it’s
nothing. It’s just stuff.
The movie ended with Mia’s choice to either live or die. She
had more love from people than the bitterness she received. The love people
showed her was her ignition to live rather than die. Her parents and brother
were dead but her grandparents, family relatives, friends and boyfriend proved
her that she’ll be happy under their care.
Everything started to blur the moment Adam sang a song he
made especially for her, and then blank.
She opens her eyes from coma. That’s when I cried.
You should watch or read the novel. :)
