I am feeling much better than yesterday. Settling life is
hard. Moreover, complicated. I’m not sad of my results. It’s okay. Because to
be honest it’s perfectly okay. Alhamdulillah :D
I’m just sad because for the first time, I don’t know what I
should do on my future career plans.
“Didn’t you say you wanted to be a doctor so badly?”
Yes. I do. Very much. More than anything. But I believe
Allah has better plans for me.
He knows I’d probably suffer from it. The very
second I checked out I didn’t get straight As, I knew I wasn’t able to go for
medicine. I’d spend the rest of my life on something I’m not good at and will
never will be.
I love myself. I love my life. We only live once as a
teenager. I want to make sure these years would be the best times I’d have and
I’d make it as realistic as I can.
It’s the time when you need to paint the big picture on your
canvas. So you can look back and adore it all the way through.
Do you want to know why I love medicine so bad? Because it
happened since 3rd January 2014. I’ve said before in an entry. Abang
Raja, a motivator held his fingers to me saying I’d be a doctor in the future.
I’d marry a handsome doctor as well. Ever since that day I studied hard to make
sure I don’t regret it wouldn’t happen. Plus, I just believe I’d be one.
Everyone, even friends said I’m capable of being a doctor.
Everyone believed I’d make it. Why wouldn’t I deny?
Then starting from today, I know my life is going to be
different. Guess what?
I’m giving up medicine.
I’m giving up the dream I’ve been thinking to accomplish for
a year. Everyday, I’d wake up reminding myself I’d become a doctor. I cheer
myself up stating I’d make it alive. I am so determined. I can’t get bear the
thought of going for another course.
You know, like my friend said, ‘life is so unexpected.
Sometimes our fate is much better than what we’ve been fighting for all this
time’.
This isn’t because of the SPM results. I can apply for
medicine if I wanted to.
I think again when she asked me these questions which are
relevant.
“You are aware that
medicine is the hardest course of all?”
Yes.
“You know you’ll be
spending the next 8 years straight on studying medicine alone?”
Yes.
“You know that you’re
sacrificing your whole life on medicine?”
Yes.
“A medical student doesn’t
have time to have fun”.
Yes, I am aware of that.
“You will be stressed
because if you want to go overseas you need 4 flat”
Exactly.
“Within these long
years of studying, do you want to have a life like that? Lifeless?”
No.
So what am I fighting for? Something that I don’t want. I
want a life. We’re still young. We don’t waste it for 8 years to come. We do it
for the sake of NOW.
I can imagine myself studying hard for foundation in
science. I refuse to go home. I would lock myself in the room to study and
memorise all the facts. I would refuse people’s invitation on hanging out. I
can see myself being jealous of others who are my age reluctantly enjoying
their young age. I’d get stressed easily. I won’t be able to make any further
contacts with people I love. Most importantly, I won’t have extra time to at
least forget about medicine.
Because of what? I need a 4 flat. Constant on every exam. I
can’t fail. I don’t want to end up taking pharmacy or dentistry cause I dislike
them. Even if it’s under science stream. Weird right? Laugh out loud please.
You see, medicine is like trading your soul to get it.
Similar to celebrities who are involved in the Illuminati. To be successful,
they trade their souls by worshipping the Satan’ to attain popularity. In the
end, they become depressed and trapped. Cause they’ve become a toy to the
Illuminati.
Do you think Micheal Jackson died without a reason? No, he
died because they killed him. He exposed the Illuminati and told the public how
he was horrified to have his life being fully controlled by them. He’s just an
object to obtain their needs of corrupting people’s mind.
Similar to medicine, you trade your whole teenage life for
it.
True, I am serious in everything I do. I don’t goof around
anymore. I’ve grown up.
But that doesn’t mean I want to be an adult that fast. I
want to enjoy my years being young as well. I’ve got these intentions of be
involved in public speaking, plan holidays with friends, be committed in a
healthy relationship, spend time with families, travel and etc.
In short, if you’re a loyal reader to my blog, I have to say
if I take medicine, no more blogging.
Silakan menyesal
kerana menggalakkan saya mengambil medic. Haha.
Syark said to me on the phone;
“Afrina, you’re worth more than taking medicine. You can
talk. You have so much more talents on language skills. You can give talks
about serious matters –mentality. You have to give up medicine. You have soft
skills. Take a course that has to do with your talents”.
Sometimes you need someone to speak out all the capabilities
you know you have but never really thought of it much to really, really
appreciate what Allah has given to you.
Alhamdulillah, if Allah gave me the chance to speak out what
I’m most glad of, is the fact that He had given me abilities to speak out my
intentions, be determined in what I do, to be rational and to be able to speak
in English without a fuss.
Every one person has their own specialities. It’s an
attraction. It makes us special in our very own way.
Besides getting up from failures, the problem that I’m
having is I have such high determinations on getting what I want and I can’t
seem to let it go.
I laughed shouting to her how was it possible to give up
something I’ve been aiming for a year within a day?
Today, is the first time in history I’ve thought of my
future that doesn’t have to do with medicine. Round of applause for me. I feel
released from a big burden. I feel so happy. I don’t know why haha.
Again, I want to be a doctor. I can be if I want. My SPM results
are good for me.
But why spend the rest of my 8 years on the hardest course
of all when I am very clear of my potentials that has to do with communication?
There are so many courses that welcome me to enter and be able to go overseas
easily without struggle and pressure. Because of what? Because I was born doing
it.
I know what I’m good at. Friends would always remind me of
my potentials. Why put it in the trash when I can be more different?
I have to say if I go for the courses I am very sure I can
succeed, I might still be sad. You see, such determinations like mine has come
to a level that I can’t even control it.
Like my determination of being qualified for global
leadership. I wanted it so bad until then even now I can feel the pain in my
chest everytime I think that certain friends made it. I didn’t.
I remember when it was during extra class in the seminar
hall, they had to stop and go catch the bus outside the school. For their
global leadership camp in Perak. I was crushed. I should be with them. Not here
in class. I should be planning programs with them.
So the risk of myself getting another course is that
medicine will always haunt me. I’m afraid if I walk pass a student in their
medical studies, I’ll get jealous because I once hoped high to be in their
position.
Again, that’s a price a person should pay when they are too
determined to get something.
Allah knows what’s my capability. He knows what’s best for
me.
“He pushes you away
from something that you want, but is not good for you. And gives you to
consider for something that you may haven’t think of, but is the best for you.”
I think back, life is so exciting. It’s so unexpected.
Everything that I’ve planned is so wrong.
Not many knows their potentials. I’ve known mine. And I’ll
make sure it’ll make me get a life I want.
Yesterday on the way celebrating our achievements among us
green lanterns, I yelled out
“Forget being a doctor! Forget all this dreams of going for
medicine! Even if it means I won’t be able to marry a doctor like what he said
if I become a doctor! Do I care? Nope. Not at all!”
Everyone laughs*
Rethink life in 2015. It’s full of surprises. I never expected to take a differ course. I never thought I’d have peoples I haven’t much
noticed before in my life enter and allow them to affect me.
Can you imagine my parents knew I wanted to be a doctor so badly, they were happier to see me move on to a better choice. I explained everything. What I'm good at. What I want in life. What I don't want. They actually agreed as long as I'm happy.
It wasn't because I wasn't capable. But it was because I'd manage to avoid being lifeless.
Note to say as well, todays condition gives me a feeling I’m
not going end up with a doctor. Haha I don't mind.
We only live once as a teenager. Make the best of it doing what we love the most while not forgetting our limits. Have that self confidence and rock it on.
I'm not a coward on giving up medicine. You see, I haven't failed. It's not a failure to me. It's an ignition to make me realize I'll be much more successful on a differ road.
Giving up has two conditions.
First, is because you can't accept a failure.
Second, is because you see something better on the other side of the road. :)
