SPM is not everything.
It's just the start. The ignition of the real big life you're about to face. I've been visiting some colleges and universities. I've been spending months just to see the compulsory requirements to attain that specific course. I've been told by fellow lecturers and experienced people.
Believe me, I have come to a point that I don't see why I should even think about marriage like I used to in high school. I don't see that anymore. I sometimes even wonder how graduated SPM candidates who've been furthering their studies could still tweet about marriage or Mr.Perfect or etc.
I've come to a point that now I realize it's just an extent of a sense of imagination. I realize life isn't significant. It's more complex and specific. Oh how could I've become so blind. I am not scared of the future, however.
I have this kinda feeling when as soon as I leave a place or an environment I've used to be in, I'll flee off to another place like a bird. If you've seen a graduated batch has many amount of students who end up being in the same college, believe me, I'm not one of them. I know I'll be those kinda people who suddenly disappears from the crowd in a blink of an eye.
I have this tickling feeling that I won't see any friends whom I recognize after this. I'll be in this, new place, with new people, with new aura and most importantly, a new me.
I've had enough pretending to be fine, Before that, yes I am happy, nothing wrong. But you see, I feel trapped because I wasn't really accepted on, well, being me. If you know me, you know what I mean by that.
So my aim is to shoot for that 'environment' which I can enjoy life. I don't mind getting new friends. I don't mind being far away from my family. They understand I'm more dependent being alone settling my life. By conclusion, I am ready to get that new life without needing to be arranged by others.
I have planned my future within 5 years. Done. What's left to do is work hard for that goal and accept if God has better plans for me insya-Allah. Believing in yourself too much than Allah S.W.T won't help though.
I checked out youtube watching about Islam debates and etc. Then end up watching people giving talks in Ted Talks. Seriously they're awesome. I fell in love immediately.
What did I do the moment I've watched the talks?
Went to the bathroom babbling alone in the mirror about accepting how life is when the results come out. I even recorded it. Hahaha. Seriously I ended up talking for an hour.
If only I could do anything that has to do with speech talks. Well, of course medicine is my goal. But having this minor time to do something like this would be wonderful. What's the use of public speaking when your words are kept within the soul anyway?
My parents always talk about money, clients and currency of the bank system whenever they'd be back from work. Seriously, I just have to say I'd do anything so I won't have a career that involves computer 24/7 and numbers.
I understand nowadays people are mattering money. Money. Money. Money. The goal of life is to attain great money. Business. A complete popularity in attaining high finance monthly. I understand it's the only way to survive in Kuala Lumpur as well. But really, Money?
I expressed my weirdness perception of career to my mother. I told her I don't want to spend the rest of my working days in an office settling out things in a computer, making no more than 10 people contact and yet get high payments. I've been to my dad's office once to study for SPM. Believe me, I don't like it very much.
Differ people differ personality. Differ perception. Differ concept of finding a life. I've thought this way. You've thought yours. Similar target. Only different initiatives.
So, what now? Good question.
In general, I'll make sure I'll get what I had aimed for. I'll work hard until I would finally get to that 'environment' where everyone accepts me completely so I can give talks or at least let it go on what I'm good at but never had the right time to really enjoy it. Oh, the imaginations.
I can't wait to be that new me. I've given bad first impressions on my add maths teacher once. I'm not gonna be the same this say. At least my first teacher -drving tutor manage to give me a thumbs up on driving.
I'd write my achievements starting this year. I'm not naturally born with talent in calculations, but that doesn't stop me from getting what I want.
Work hard, pray and believe in myself. That's all I need.
But I have this feeling I'd end up with something that has to do with talking in front of a crowd. Haha let's just hope it'll be realistic rather than fiction.
I've mentioned about my goal, my beliefs and my self-confidence of getting what I want.
Let's zoom back to square one.
Everything. My dreams. My accomplishments. My goal. Starts with SPM. I repeat SPM.
If you really look hard, you'll realize SPM is just plain dough in order to make your cake. It's nothing compared to your future tests. No value.
However, no matter how plain and simple the dough is, if it's not enough as it is required in the ingredients, don't be sad if it'll affect the whole cake you're about to make.
