year 2013
That moment, was the worst second of my life.
The second after my named wasn't annouced as a Global Leader MARA.
Next year's a drastic change. I mean, at least my dear juniors can forget what corruptions have been getting severe on Islam out there during holiday but then come back to college and get to be explained about everything. Being warned. Being well cared. Me? Nah, depending on the internet. A source that'll never give the any clue what's really going on. This sucks. Now, if you ask me what year was my biggest lesson of life, it's 2013.
Sometimes there's a lesson on the things that happened. I've thought a million times, in fact, it still feels like a broken arrow inside of me unwilling to get out without having another tougher time. Going for surgery would still leave a scar. Okay, that's just for letting you get the picture. What is the past is past, no need to conceal it anymore. No use. True, but you don't leave the memories behind you without notifying yourself what's the cause. Now let me ask you something,
" Have you been thinking about your what your hopes doesn't seem to come true -doesn't matter if it's on a specific person or occurance perhaps and it keeps dwindling your mind on your present day killing you like some virus spreading in your brain?"
If no, you're encouraged to go shuu yourself away from this entry.Goodbye!
If yes, then we're in the same shoes. Hello, face the reality. This is why I hate movies or fictions or any entertainment we've been watching.
"Remember, the word 'climax of life' doesn't exist. You're not gonna be like in the movies. Having this conflict, adventures, death of loved ones or etc then in the end spent their lives happily like they won't get themselves into any problems after what they've gone through. The movies blind us on what life really is."
Oh okay. Seems like I've gotta go to the Eiffel Tower and make some stunts before hiding myself from the authorities to make my life adventurous then run back home and say, "Oh God I've been going through such a rare life n now I'm home, I can live happily ever after!". That, is rubbish. But that's what we've been manipulated for. Okay, macam takda kaitan je with anything haha forget it. Ehem. Be serious again.
So, since you've understand that life doesn't have a climax, which concludes dissapointments is continuous, it's possible that you've encountered numerous times of them. If not, you must be freshly out from your mothers womb aite? Like I said, the bitterness we've experienced should be observed. Make it as a Variable. Experiments aren't just specific for lab tests you know. Sometimes we're sad cause we thought it wasn't fair. It shouldn't become like this. It wasn't what you've expected. You've work and hoped high for it. You're distressed cause nothing will make you happier than this. Now, From the statements I've said, you've got the cause of why you're so sad. Found it? Nah, no need I'll say it below.
You've work and hoped high for it
Haa, I've highlighted it as well for you. That's the problem. Trust me, I've been thinking how on Earth is it possible. Well, FYI, that's just the general statement. I'll try to elaborate it to make you understand more. If you are really eager of getting that one thing, you'd try your best to get your target no matter what, then expect you'll have it in the end. There are two kinds of people here. One who doesn't mind if he doesn't get what he wants cause he knows there are so many more chances in the future. But the other one is who wants it so bad he doesn't see how it impacts, kills him mentally in the end. If you said yes on my question above, then you're one of these 2nd type of people, like me.
When I found the picture above in my laptop that feeling of rejected hit me hard on the face. Oh, and it was also the year I was introduced on how was it like falling for someone. I knew I was capable of getting GL. I knew I could speak well in front of the crowd. I knew I should be getting it cause I was one of the most high spirited members of the Green Lantern. I knew we'd make it together in the end. I knew our relationship was going to keep going. I knew long distance factors wouldn't kill us. I've never liked someone so serious and met someone so similar like me till I knew he must be 'the one'. I knew I would be happy. I knew my hardwork would repay me back. Most of all, I knew my life wasn't suppose to be this way.
Guess what? Once these two factors were pulled away from me, only God knows how much I felt this world was so evil. I cried non-stop from Perak to Pontian, I shut the other Green Lanterns from my life, I refuse to talk to my roommates, I was traumatized, the memories wouldn't stop getting out of my mind and most of all, I didn't perform on my academics. Padan muka. You see? I was having too much expectations and hopes. Belum apa-apa you've build a future in your mind as if you're demanding our dear Lord Allah S.W.T that it should be like what you've thought. You've had your 'kononnya future' locked in your head until you can't face the reality. God gives you what's best for you, not what you'd expect it would be. The cliche statement people refuse to understand on the terms of living. You're the one who caused that bitterness to beat together in your heart in the first place.
"Hoi Afrina, how about the dissapointments of life due to death of loved ones, yang memang we don't work or hoped?"
Takes a breath*
As a muslim, we heard of stories like the ulama's who weren't sad when his family was killed in an instant. Hmm, okay maybe the word 'sad' is not right. Who weren't deeply hurt in their present life due to the deaths of their loved ones. There's a difference hope you understand. They weren't rolling themselves on the ground like some mad person or yelling or anything like it because they were focused on their very present life. Haaa. Yeah that's right.
"The muslims during the early generations of Islam had this perceptive on not thinking of the past and not thinking of the future. They think, now. The very second they're taking their breaths. That's also why they don't care about money or life. One of the ways to avoid sadness in life as well as focusing on afterlife is to focus on the 'now moment'."
My point? This concludes they won't have expectations of the future, even if it's tomorrow. Use the concept 'have your shalat like it's your last'. So in the end they have nothing to worry about. If you manage to do this then you are super duper amazing cause theres no way I can do it, like ever. The past has nothing new to say, and the future is unreadable. By conclusion, never have to much high expectations on anything. You know you can do so much better than this. Not now perhaps but in the future. If it has to do with a person, if they don't give you things you've hoped for, there must be a reason. Maybe due to their past, maybe cause you've mad the person hurt before or etc. If you don't know, build that bravery to ask instead of making self assumptions. It's not gonna help if you keep it to yourself. Nothings impossible. So, always never stop believing you can do better.
After what happened to you, you must have realized these things are just too late for you to make actions. They just, come. Time flies so fast. The pain x yah cerita. Better get injected 10 times than bearing this kinda non-physical pain. If you want to get over it there's plenty of ways. Hang out with friends, love yourself more, etc. But nothing extraordinary really. My advice,
take a look outside the window think of the things that bothers you. Relate how they infect your lifestyle, your current mood, then think if it didn't happen. Maigod! How uninteresting your life might be! I mean, no conflicts, no dissapointments, like, how on earth are you gonna survive even the slightest problems in the future? At least you're gonna be immune based on the hardships you've ecountered. How are you gonna tell your kids in the future? 'Oh, daddy doesn't really have dissapointments or adventures in life when I was your age.' That means you've never known how life functions. Your learn lessons, but since you wish you have no sadness, that means you're not mentally strong. Bosan lah hidup takde rasa kecewa! kan dah kluar bm.
If you really want and still have the urge to have high expectations and hopes on that thing you want so badly, here's another rule of life you must accept.
accept the consequences and get ready for the failure you might be having.
you know, you're not the one that fully settles and make plans on your life. You don't have the key on everything. Yes, it's your life, your plans, your aims but your life is half you and half God to take control. Like what we'd say to people who are sad, "God knows the best for you". We're muslims who believe in Qada' and Qadar anyway right? wink*
oh god, I hope you understand, I've made this like 4 hours straight. huuu a break for today. : D
