It revealed my deepest fear.
I woke up half conscious from my slumber after the tireless hours of studying for my finals next week. Grumbles of noises every corner in my room made me panic and I was too scared to wake from the bed. It wasn't the barks of a dog, a breaking branch nor explosives with heavy blasts around my house. It sounded massive, buildings crumbling down or perhaps an earthquake. I was scared to face the possibilities of truth in my words.
I was scared with the thought that it was in the end of the world.
Truly sounds as if I am exaggerating but truth is the whole family woke up, siblings screaming to my parents -scared of where the noise came from, I stood still on my bed with a fast paced heartbeat thinking I am not ready. I am not ready. I am not ready.
I didn't think anything else but my deeds and contribution to survive from the gates of hell if the trumpets have been blown in my sleep and resurrection would occur that night. The noises of grumbles were everywhere, my left and right position and even above me. I realised for an instant no one could have saved me from my unprepared-self nor do I have the option to run away from this eternal destruction of the Earth.
We do not fear dying, but we fear of the commitments we have failed to take responsibility as a believer of God. I remember once even a sheikh mentioned how we are innately intact to the idea of God as one, eternal and true. He would mention how during a plane crash, even those who had no faith would automatically think of God in their last seconds of life. That's how I felt and nothing else came to my mind -my positivity, my relationship with others, my achievements etc.
I believe the only readiness one can ever achieve as a Muslim is to be at peace with God, Allah. The internal and external constitution of our hearts and soul should be aligned with serenity as his blessings will never fail to make one at ease. That way, regardless of your ways of dying or even seeing the end of the world in front of your eyes, you are ready to face the afterlife.
And as mentioned of me feeling shocked and unready, I realised that I needed a lot to work on myself spiritually. Sometimes you are too attached to find happiness in this physical world, you are blind from the eternal reality. As what Plato describes, this physical world is simply just a mere shadow of imperfection of the perfect world in another dimension. We use our sensory organs to create perceptions and make decisions in life, but not everything is accurate. Our body is a prison for the soul and our mind is restricted with the body's capacity to function.
If a philosopher also agrees that there is a perfect implication of worldly form and that 2 + 2 will always be 4, then why would we be too inclined to take the hardest shot and neglect the world we will stay forever rather than 70 years?
It's challenging to answer because I am also ambitious to live my life here in this impermanent world, but as a reminder to everyone that we should try to improve ourselves and it will save us all. There is certainly nothing wrong with praying to God regardless if you think you are not as religious. May He always bless us with his mercy. Amin.
Btw the sound I mentioned early is still unknown, however there was a massive torn in the ceilings of our upper attic. In case you are wondering, xoxo.
