I've got 15 drafts in this blog. Really, I've got so much to say but I just don't have much time doing it so. Sorry guys.
Anyways, today I've been rotting in bed, deliberately thinking about my life. It's not like I feel demotivated, but when what's left to do is just wait for the results, what more can you think of? I've planned my life for the next 5 years already. Done. With Allah's will insya-Allah. During the first days of trying to find the best place for me to study, I realized a lot that this world is truly big and scary. The realities are rather something I've never had much in boarding school.
I've visited 2 universities obviously, and all I can say was I didn't talk to anyone for 2 days much. It's hard to make a decision on your life. At some point I straddled myself and can't help but to wonder, "Will I ever survive?". At some point also I, too, wanted to run back to my previous school, forget about this drastic change and continue to get stressed with additional mathematics. No joke.
Again, I move forward. I never really remembered looking back at something. Even during form 3, I didn't even bother much about missing other friends who'd get transferred. Not that I don't love them, it's just that I was preparing for form 4. I didn't think much of the memories. Similar to having to be a graduated student and an official alumni of a MJSC student, we look forward. Once in a while look back but always strive forward.
I just got home after sending my mum to KL Central to take a train to KLIA. She's going elsewhere for a meeting with the others. I hate the feeling of having to leave my own mother on a flight without me. The news regarding to family loss due to air crash would be so horrible. I just can't help but to pray she'll make come home safely.
Do you know what I love about Kuala Lumpur? The city lights. It's beautiful to sit near the corner in the car just having to gaze the endless buildings covering up the place. During the night specifically is so enjoying. Make it additional to Taylor's 'This Love' song being played in the car. What's more fascinating is to follow the highway and watch a full vivid view of Kuala Lumpur. That's when I discovered life is just too short to be sad.
I think again about my life. The thing that keeps me going is by asking myself "if Allah made me that way, would I still be the person I am today?". Your fate is an easy description and proof that God truly loves you and gives what's best rather than what you'd want in life. Like myself, I onced thought things like ,
"Why did I suddenly got some boarding school in Johor?"
Because if I was still in government school I wouldn't have known the beauty in Islam. I would've been keen on studying hard because there's just too many who doesn't seem to have determination in life. I wouldn't be so social, but at the same time I'm guessing I'd be one of those girls who goes free hair wearing long sleeve over-sized outfits with sneakers in addition of black jeans all the way. Till today whenever I see beautiful outfits I could go crazy but thanks to what has being taught and experienced in school, I managed to get over it.
I looked on the social applications. Twitter, facebook and etc. I can't help to say those tweet famous people you guys have been into talking so much were my used-to-be friends. They're my classmates, my hang out friends and even worse, when some guys in class go;
"have you heard of this guy? He's so hot I tell ya. He's based in KL like you"
If only I had the urge to say he was my ex. Haha. Nevermind.
My point is if I wasn't fated to be in the current school I've went, I would've ended up differ. In a more kinda version of a girl who'd do anything what she likes. And that's not going to be medics. Being alone during holiday gave me tons of chances to get to know my interests on something I never had time to think of during in school. Dancing and art. Seriously, if I was in government school, I'd end up being a different me. A not-so-beneficial-me for the society and of course something forbidden in terms of religion.
Whatever it is, I'm just glad and grateful to Allah that He made me this way. I'm just so happy to have such supportive family members on me chasing my dreams, friends who never fails to make me smile even during my serious mood, people whom I've never really noticed until they truly showed their support doesn't matter juniors, teachers and even my grandma's neighbour! I'm not that perfect, but I really don't have time to think of the insecurities people are so busy of thinking.
Too many things I'd like to be glad and I shouldn't say much about it but really, after laying in bed for hours thinking, I just can't be more happier to know what's left is to appreciate those who love me and just keep moving forward. Maybe I couldn't get everyone the whole picture, but believe me, within 5 years to come, I see the point on why my life was directed and pushed away from the society I should have been. Alhamdulillah :)
More importantly, this verse fot the Holy Quran'.
